THE ART OF WRESTLING A PIG IN A MUDDY POOL.

Over the last couple of weeks, the public, herein referred to as the audience, has been treated to a never ending contest titled “The art of wrestling a pig in a muddy pool.” For one to be eligible to participate in this contest one needs to sign a consent form indicating that he is an adult of sound mind and that he has entered the contest on his own volition.

The theatre of this absurdity is the expansive fields of the country called “Nyake” which is littered with countless barnyards. Note that some of the barnyards have a striking semblance with Kenyan political parties. These barnyards have hostile and squeaky pigs lurking therein. They are the kind of pigs that would make a mockery of the pigs in George Orwell`s “Animal Farm.”

The common denominator among these pigs is that they have a penchant for muddy streams and piggy political adventure. The squeaking gets even louder as these pigs break the perimeter fence and stray into neighboring barnyards where they mingle with those that have similar orientations. They can be seen darting across the expansive fields in search of muddy pools where they taunt humans for a muddy contest.

The rules of this contest are fairly simple. Rule number one is that the prospective human participant must be willing to enjoy the muddy fight at least as much as the pig would. The longer the muddy contest the merrier it is for the pigs.

Rule number two states that for purposes of ensuring the longevity of the muddy contest, the prospective participant must not carry the detergent known as “Kibunja” into the muddy pools for the pigs know too well that “Kibunja`s” pungent smell is not good for their snorting and will thus bring the muddy contest to a premature end.
Rule number three is that the audience, will measure your success not only in terms of how fast you scoop mud to smear the muddy pigs but also how clever you are to avoid the pigs muddying you. Quite a task, huh!

Rule number four is that the participant must ensure that he has plenty of time to have a good muddy shower and a hearty laugh at himself. Perhaps the participant may just be in time to discover the fact that mud purifies the pig`s emotions. Call it some sought of a piggy catharsis. In this regard, the participant is specifically warned not to be surprised if the pigs soak him thoroughly in mud. Neither should the participant be surprised if the pigs squeal, or play dirty, or run amok or even run around in circles, small and large, tirelessly.

The good thing is that the participant will perhaps just be on right course to discover the import of the old age aphorisms that “When you fight with a pig you both get dirty and that the pig likes it” or that “you got to have a swine to show you where the truffles are.”

The trickier part is that the participant is also strongly advised to be kind and gentle. Otherwise 'the audience' will judge him and not the pigs. They already feel sorry for the pigs for wallowing in the mud, even before the contest starts. So you have to enter the muddy pool with caution - if at all.

It will also be worthwhile for the willing participant to remember that these pigs may be hurting inside, sometimes somewhere quite deep and painful...this explains why sometimes they squeak without knowing it.

After the muddying experience rule number five comes in handy. It states that when the pigs taunt you to come back for more mud wrestling contests- (as they are wont to) - make sure it is you who decides whether to 'go back for more' – and not the pigs because they (pigs) have absolutely nothing to lose.